Contentment

For those of you who don’t know, I am writing this on the day that marks 3 1/2 years since Rick’s passing. On the 6th month anniversary of his passing, I wrote a post about every day being a gift . In that post, I described the past 5 moths as weepy. Today, I would describe the past 5 months as finding contentment.

Contentment, a state of being where one is satisfied with their current situation, and the state of affairs in one’s life as they presently are.

Who can say they are truly content? I know, in this moment, I can. Sounds kinda wrong coming from a widow, doesn’t it? Let me explain.

I never wanted to be a widow, that’s a given. Having to navigate life without the one I was supposed to spend the rest of it with sucks. That’s not where I’m content. The contentment comes in when I sit back and think about how far I’ve come, and where I currently am at mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Some synonym’s for content are complacency, fulfillment, gratification, pleasure, satisfaction, and serenity. Ah! There it is! The true word I am looking for….serenity…

Serenity….the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled. That’s where I am! While my life circumstances aren’t what I wanted, or planned, I am now in a place where I am at peace with them, and my soul no longer is troubled.

In the past 5 months, I have met multiple times with a wonderful counselor who has helped me process and has challenged me to reflect on things more. I have been able to take a nice, long vacation with my girls and reconnect with them. The girls have gone to church camp, reflected on themselves, and have shown improvement in their grief healing. Our relationships are getting better. We are learning each other better, learning how to communicate and read each other, and we are growing closer. (We are not fully there yet, but it’s better than it was) A few weeks ago I was at a retreat where I laughed and smiled almost the entire time. Something that hasn’t happened since Rick died. It unlocked joy and laughter in me again…..something I wasn’t sure that I would ever get back. I’ve had some deep conversations with friends that have been good for the soul, gotten together with some that I don’t see often to chat and catch up, and have made a couple of new ones along the way. Aaahh….my soul is content.

Although nothing, and no one, will ever take the spot that Rick had in my heart and soul, my heart is content in where I am at today. It’s at peace with the path that God has me on. Don’t get me wrong, I still miss him dearly, but I am trying my best to enjoy the little things in life, remembering what was said in my previous post….

“Every day is a gift! And you need to live it, laugh, have fun, and enjoy the experience called life. Because the next day is never promised!“

“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24 ESV

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

So, even as I write this, I am finding contentment. I’m sitting on my back patio on a crisp mid 60 degree fall morning. Listening to the sounds of nature, the birds chirping, the leaves of the trees rustling in the wind; feeling the cool fall breeze whip around me, the warmth of the rising sun; the silence in the air. Ah…my soul is content…..I am at peace.

This is how I am finding contentment in today…..gratitude for where I am at. Where are you finding contentment?