Healing Isn’t Forgetting

Have you ever known someone who seemed like they just couldn’t move past an event or person? When you ask them about it, they responded with “I’m afraid I’m going to forget them.” So they seem to keep living in the trauma that situation created, in fear that they would forget? Making trying to keep their memory alive a priority over their mental health.

What if I told you that healing doesn’t mean forgetting? Think about it this way….

Something happens to your leg that causes it to have a deep wound on it. You seek medical attention, and they are able to bandage it up to set it on the path to healing. The bigger the wound, the longer it takes to heal.

What if you don’t take care of the wound? Without the proper care, your wound can get infected. The infection can interrupt your way of life, and even put your life in jeopardy if not taken care of. But, over time, and with proper care, the wound will heal. More than likely, it will leave a scar.

Just like a physical wound, we encounter situations where we incur an emotional wound. Without the proper care, this wound will consume your life, changing the way you do or view things, and can ultimately endanger your life. But, with proper care, like counseling, you will be able to heal from that wound.

In the healing process, a scar might develop. This scar isn’t there to shame you or to keep you enslaved to your trauma. It’s there to remind you….to remind you of what you’ve been through…..to remind you of how far you’ve come in your healing……to remind you of who you are, and who you can become.

Even though our body heals the wound, it doesn’t forget about it. The scar is evidence of that. As such, when we heal from our trauma or grief, it doesn’t mean that we forget about the person. They impacted our life in such a big way that there is no way we could forget.

When I think about my story, and losing my husband so suddenly, the wound ran deeper than I even thought possible. It ran deep not only in my soul, but in my momma’s soul as it cried out and grieved for my girls, who are now missing their daddy. As I’m writing this, it has been a little over 4 years since that day. There has been a lot of healing on my end, but I know that more healing needs to take place….over time. There are still many big events to come in my life and my daughters lives. Will the wound always stay closed? No. But, with proper care, it will heal a little better each time.

In healing, I’m not forgetting Rick. I don’t think we could ever actually do that. I’m actually honoring him. See, he wouldn’t want the girls or myself to be stuck in the trauma and grief of his passing. I don’t think that any of the loved ones we lose would. Instead, by healing, I am remembering how good life was with him, and how he would want me to be happy like that again.

Healing isn’t forgetting. It’s getting your emotions, heart, and soul healthy. It’s not “moving on”, its “moving past” the hurt and grief. You aren’t lessening the person you have lost, or the trauma you experienced. Rather, you are becoming more of the person they would want you to be. It’s not staying stuck.

If you are reading this and are reeling in the wound of your trauma and grief, ask yourself this. Am I allowing this wound to heal properly? Or am I staying stuck in it out of fear of forgetting. If it’s the second one, I urge you to sit, pray, meditate, reflect on the person, and then ask if this is where they would want you to be.

Heal from the wound. Embrace the scar…..it won’t let you forget!