2 Truths & 1 Lie of Grief

We’ve all heard of the game 2 Truths, 1 Lie. Usually it is played where every player tells 2 things that are true about themselves, and 1 that is a lie. The idea being trying to trip up the person guessing on which one is the lie. This post has the same name, but different concept.

As I was thinking while driving to work, there are multiple truths about those who are grieving. There are also many things that people believe that are lies. These are the 2 truths I thought of and the 1 lie.

Truth #1 – Things Get Easier with Time.

During the first year after you lose someone, you’re still reeling in the fact that their passing really happened. That you are actually having to live life without them. Adjusting along the way. As time goes on, you have learned how to navigate life without them, as you have already experienced milestones and life events. With each passing milestone, although they are hard because you are missing the person, do get a little bit easier each year, because you know a little bit more what to expect and feel.

Take my girls for example. The first year, my oldest wouldn’t stop crying. She would cry at night and any time she missed her dad. This year, on the anniversary of his passing, she cried for about half a minute after we got in the car after changing the flowers on his grave. And my youngest remarked that she didn’t get angry at all on that day. Time has allowed processing and healing that helped them handle such an emotional time.

Truth # 2 – Not Everyone Grieves the Same

I have said it in a previous post, and will say it again: Grief looks different in different people, in different ways, at different stages. Just because someone who has lost a loved one seems un-phased by it, doesn’t mean they are. It doesn’t mean they didn’t love the person who has passed, or don’t care. It means that they are processing it differently than you would. Like I illustrated in the truth above, my girls process and grieve so very differently. One gets weepy, the other gets mad. One lets herself feel her emotions at all points in the day, the other is more reserved about her emotions. Does it mean one of them is doing it wrong? No. They are just processing the death of their dad through their lens differently.

The Lie – Grief is Linear

Most people think that once you get past, or over, a part of your grief, that it stays in the past. This simply is not true. You may heal and learn how to cope with that certain aspect, but there will always be things that trigger grief. Sometimes they are expected, like an upcoming anniversary. But most times it comes out of the blue. Sometimes a smell, sound, event, or setting can trigger a memory. All of a sudden the feelings come rushing back, and you find yourself momentarily lost in the grief again.

Does it mean you didn’t heal or move past your grief? No. It simply means you are missing the person you loved so much. You can be doing fine for days, weeks, or even months at a time. When something triggers a memory to bring you back to a place of grief and missing them (and something eventually will), you can stay there for anywhere between a moment to days. It’s like a roller coaster where you are sitting in the back cart, not able to see the front or where the track leads. You are just buckled in tight, along for the ride. Knowing that eventually the loop will end and you will be on even track again.

I have said in a previous post that grief is a journey. It is not something you feel or do for a moment in time, or until a certain point. It is something you walk, day in, and day out. Some days better than others, but still a part of who you are. If you want to read more on that, read this post.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, these are only a couple out of many. And this is just a little snippet of each. What are the 2 truths and 1 lie you believe about grief?