There has been a theme over the past few days that I felt like I needed to share. Over the years, God had been preparing me for this journey that I am currently on.

I have had many conversations like this, but the one the other night with a friend really brought it to light.

Friend: I wanted to check in to see how you were doing.

Me: I am doing okay. Still taking things day by day, moment by moment sometimes. It’s hard with the girls and walking them through their grief too. But things are getting easier…..we are back to a better routine, which helps. I still have moments where I can’t believe this is real and he’s really not here….

Friend: I can’t even imagine. You are a strong woman to deal with this like you have.

Me: Honestly, it really is all God. I know people say that…but its true. Looking back on the last 17 years, I can now see how He was preparing me for this ….building me up, healing me in areas that would have crippled me during this time….and when I feel weak like I can’t handle it anymore, God gives me little nudges and heart hugs to get through it. I don’t know where you personally stand with religious beliefs, but I definitely couldn’t do this without my Faith!

Friend: I was going to ask you if this has brought you closer.

Me: It has. I literally have no where else to turn. Rick was truly my best friend and companion. We literally talked about anything and everything and had the best relationship based on our mutual faith in God. When he died, it left a void bigger than anyone could imagine. Through it, I have had to rediscover myself through God.

God gave me little stories along the way to help prepare me. Like one that tells about two kids in a store with a pack of glow sticks. The younger one was crying for them so the mom opened the pack and gave him one, which made him happy. The older kid then took the stick and broke it, the younger one crying again. At this time, the stick was glowing and the older child said to the younger, “I had to break it so you could get the full effect from it.” With the point of the story being God having to break us to show us why He created us, and that we had to go through the hard time so that we could fulfill our purpose. (given to me 4 years previous)

Or He gave me little one liners like” My kingdom must fall before he can build His Kingdom in my life!!” (also given to me 4 years previous)

It makes me think of Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘ plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

God knew what lay ahead for me. He knew what I would need, and saw where I was at that moment. He put into motion events that would help heal me and prepare me for what was to come. God was preparing me for when my kingdom would fall, and I would be broken, so that He could bring up His Kingdom, and let it shine through it.

As we are looking into a new year, remember this. Though you may not understand in the moment, God is preparing you for His Kingdom to shine in your life. We just need to let go, and trust.

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