As I drove home from church today, I was reflecting on the fact that Rick and I would have been celebrating 16 years of marriage this week. I was sad. The girls were impromptu invited to a friend’s house after church, so I drove home alone.
I turned on the radio and felt God talking to me through the songs. One after another. The entire way home. This is what he was saying to me.
The first song to come on as I started my car was “When We Fall Apart ” by Ryan Stevenson.
🎶🎶Well, it’s been awhile
Since you’ve been gone
Sometimes I still catch myself trying to call your phone
All the hopes and dreams we used to talk about
They’re still alive in me and I just hope I make you proud
Now I’m your legacy
And it’s your love still holding me together
And I still hear you say: It’s okay to cry
It’s okay to fall apart
You don’t have to try
To be strong when you are not
And it may take sometime to make sense of all your thoughts
But don’t ever fight your tears
‘Cause there is freedom in every drop
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart🎵🎶
Then it was “Love Moved First” by Casting Crowns.
🎵🎶 I remember where You found me
I’m amazed by where I stand
Your cross is the proof
That love made the first move
You didn’t wait for me to find my way to You
I couldn’t cross that distance even if I wanted to
You came running after me
When anybody else would’ve turned and left me at my worst
Love moved first🎶🎵
Next was “Good God Almighty ” by Crowder.
🎵🎶You say Your love goes on forever, that Your mercy never stops
So why would I assume You’d be somebody that You’re not
Like sun in the morning, I know You’re gonna be there every day
So what on earth could make me be afraid? (Afraid)
Good God almighty
I hope You’ll find me
Praising Your name no matter what comes
‘Cause I know where I’d be without Your mercy
So I keep praising Your name at the top of my lungs🎶🎵
That was followed by “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” by Danny Gokey. This one touched my soul. I was crying by the end of the song.
Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to be
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again🎶🎵
Just let that word wash over you
It’s alright now
Love’s healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
‘Cause your story’s far from over
And your journey’s just begun🎶🎵
As I’m wiping the tears away, still driving, “You Are” by Colton Dixon starts playing.
🎵🎶When I can’t find the words to say how much it hurts
You are the healing in my heart
When all that I can see are broken memories
You are the light that’s in the dark
You are the song
You are the song I’m singing
You are the air
You are the air I’m breathing
You are the hope
You are the hope I needed
By this time, I realize God is weaving a story through these songs….His story! His story of His plan in my life, through the death of my husband.
I hear God telling me that it’s okay that I cry and fall apart. It is healing to do so. Even when I am grieving, Love (God) is moving towards me. Even when I am at my worst with it, He is running after me. He is reminding me that His love and mercy never stop, and that He will be there for me every time, every day, every second. My response is “I hope you find me praising your name no matter what comes!”
The the next song…..was describing me to a T. The life I knew was shattered, broken into a thousand pieces on the floor when Rick died. I remember thinking that I am no longer that same person. I will NEVER be that same person from before. I would probably never be upbeat and carefree again. Would I ever feel anything other than numbness again? Then God whispered “tell your heart to beat again. Close your eyes and breathe me in. Step into the light of grace.”
” Beginning. Just let that word wash over you. It’s alright now. Love’s healing hands have pulled you through. So get back up, take step one. Leave the darkness, feel the sun. ‘Cause your story’s far from over. And your journey’s just begun”
God. I hear you! Thank you for pulling me through, and the reminder that MY journey is far from over……tears are forming by now.
“Let every heartbreak, and every scar, be a picture that reminds you Who has carried you this far. ‘Cause love sees farther than you ever could. In this moment heaven’s working everything for your good.”
By this time tears are flowing. I KNOW God is speaking to me now. And the next song confirms it when it says “when I can’t find the words to say how much it hurts…..when all I can see are broken memories” I know God hears the cries of my heart. Yes! This explains what I feel. God gently reminds me that I am singing His song through it.
And it doesn’t stop there. God continues….”God Who Listens” by Chris Tomin comes on next.
🎵🎶 He walks with me and leads me by still waters
I lay my troubles down at His feet (lay my troubles down)
It’s amazing that the Savior and the Father
He is (He is) a friend (a friend) to me
How can it be, oh?
I’m not just hopin’, I’m not just wishin’
I know I’m prayin’ to a God who listens
I know He hears me, I know He’s livin’
Yes, I am prayin’ (yes, I am prayin’) to a God who listens 🎵🎶
God finishes his story to me, by playing “Keep Me in the Moment” by Jeremy Camp.
🎵🎶 Nothing is wasted when everything’s placed in your hands
Singing oh Lord, keep me in the moment
Help me live with my eyes wide open
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
Singing oh Lord, show me what matters
Throw away what I’m chasing after
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
Keep me in the moment
Oh, keep me in the moment (Keep me in the moment)
Keep me in the moment
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me 🎵🎶
God is reminding me that I can lay my troubles down at His feet. He IS a God who listens. And that NOTHING is wasted when I place it in His hands. I need to pray that He keeps me in the moment so I don’t miss what He has for me in this story He is writing.
This is what I heard God saying to me today. I pray that you open yourself up to hear what God is telling you. That you remember, no matter what you are going through, God is with you, writing His story. Pray to Him, with the confidence that He is listening and hears you, and will not waste anything brought to him. For He is working things for your good. And remember to praise Him no matter what comes, for this is His song, and we should live in each moment so we don’t miss what He is doing through it.