When we lose someone close to us, even though it may not feel like it in the moment, we know there eventually will come a day when we reach that spot where you are okay again. Not just the canned response of “I’m okay” , but the truly being okay.
And it’s weird when that day does come. You are glad you are feeling other feelings than grief again, but you also have that feeling of guilt that you have other feelings than grief. You feel the weight lifted. It’s not like you have forgotten that person or that you don’t love them anymore. You are just happy that you aren’t sad anymore. You remember with purpose, and embrace new memories with eagerness and joy.
For the first time in over 2 and 1/2 years, my life, heart, and soul are in a good place. I am truly content with where I am at. But I am also cautiously optimistic.
The last time that I felt this content was right before Rick died. My life got rocked and turned upside down without any warning. I went from being content, to missing and wanting much. I want to fully embrace this season of happiness and renewal, but my heart is fearful of the fall again.
So I remain cautiously optimistic. I look forward to what the future holds, and the newness and renewal in my life, but also worry if things will turn out just as bad, or worse, when the inevitable crash does happen. But then again, what if it doesn’t?
I remain cautiously optimistic.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid.” Psalm 56:3-4
Cautious Optimism is defined as a feeling that there are some reasons to hope for a good result, even if you do not expect complete success or improvement. (Cambridge Dictionary) I don’t know what the Lord has planned for me, but I know that I can trust in Him with my future.
Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
I wanted to close this today with a reminder…mainly for myself….that I hope you take to heart. Let God fill you with His hope. Only then will we truly be content.
Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”